Metamorphose

METAMORPHOSE

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame the earth seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy the air, look you, this mighty o'rehanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire; why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, how like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dusk. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither.

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Friday, July 01, 2005

In light of my couple weeks of slogging non-stop at this damn desk I have compiled a list to be passed out due to my tongue being completly bitten off! Highlight I suppose is tomorrow I will be leaving work early for my birthday!

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It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases have been. Provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:She's a ball-busting bitch.

3) TRY SAYING:Perhaps I can work late.I
INSTEAD OF:And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:No fucking way.

5) TRY SAYING:Really?
INSTEAD OF:You've got to be shiting me!

6) TRY SAYING:Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:Tell someone who gives a shit.

7) TRY SAYING:I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:It's not my fucking problem.

8) TRY SAYING:That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:What the fuck?

9) TRY SAYING:I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:This shit won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:Why the fucking hell didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:He's got his head up his ass.

12) TRY SAYING:Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:Eat shit and die.

13) TRY SAYING:So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:Kiss my ass.

14) TRY SAYING:I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:Fuck it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:Shove it up your ass.

16) TRY SAYING:I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:Who the hell died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:He's a prick.

Thank You,
Luke Sheridan
Human Resources

LS at 7/01/2005 04:01:00 AM

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