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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
1) It's sinking
2) It's expensive
3) Take a camera
4) Pigeon shit
Arriving in Venice from an exhausting 4-5 hours journey sitting next to Lorna.. must say though I had the best sleep on the bus the entire time, we both curled up together and went to sleep for about 2-3 hours when we came out of the Northern Italian Alps.... ahh bliss.
So arriving in Venice I have forgotten to take my camera out of the bag and therefore cannot show you shots of this great little number on our journey. I did however pay for some overpriced exposable camera to take random shots (yet to be developed).
You need to catch a ferry across to Venice, and when we arrived we found that there will be a Contiki bus shadowing our moves for the next couple days. My eyes wander because I know full well these people will be at Florence for the night club experience. ie. Debauchery, nakedness, snogging and rooting in the ute (so to speak). There isn't a bad selection.
I manage to crawl up to the top deck of our ferry and look out onto Venice. Such a wonderful and medival looking place, little boats driving everywhere with the occasional gondala floating outside on the larger canals. I've come up with a saying which you need to say in a german accent... 'How do you zay? Up zee poo?' Don't know where it has come from, but I have half the bus saying it by the end of the Contiki trip. So I'm sitting on top deck making and cracking jokes about how drunk people have got, not to mention how drunk I have got. I'm hanging around Malks more often at the moment, as Lorna has given me the flick (maybe because I stank of booze) and Hilly Lorna and Brooke have formed a unit. Day 5 and people are forming little units, I'm just a dirty slut and usually tag and say hello to everyone. So Malks, the three hobbits (Sascha, Leise & Jane), Kirt, Taimba, Missy and the police couple Leiamba and Jim (yes two married police from Cabramatta.. very funny) all singing and being merry on a ferry into Venice.
We arrive on the docks and walk to the famous square - Procuratie Vecchie - which is dominated by a very famous church - Basilica San Marco. Inside it isn't all that crash hot, but outside it is very lovely backdrop. Now I'm seeing pigeons.. lots of them.. I'm counting about 1,000 of them all flying around and there are children and there are parents with corn (which you buy from a vendor for 2 euro) and they are pegging this corn at their kids, kids are screaming and pigeons are flocking them.. they have no fear (story to come). I'm laughing so hard at these 3 girls cornered up on these steps while these pigeons are jumping up the step to come to them and they are screaming so hard I can hardly hear Gerry tell us what we are doing.
We finally go to a glass blowing exhibition and see some dude make a horse in 20 seconds. It looked cool.. worth going to see I suppose. Didn't buy any expensive glass from the sales assistant toss them down and tell us how famous the red color is in Venice. So I gather the troops for our Gondola ride and I head down to the square. Look through the church and we have 45 minutes until the Gondola ride so I disappear to the pigeons and hand over the 2 euro... Before I open the bag I am flocked by at least 20 pigeons, on my arms, head, body clinging to me and pecking and scratching the living shit out of me... one of the pigeons has torn open the bag and has it's head stuck inside... I'm laughing. There is a man lying on the ground covered with them .. I can't see him.
So I'm looking around, evil in my eyes and see the hobbits laughing at me and taking pictures. I walk up to Leise and grab her throw corn into her hood and a pigeon dives into the hood and I tuck the pigeon in... Leise is now screaming running around this square with this pigeon stuck in the back of her hood, a wing flapping out. Sascha is laughing so hard she didn't see me come up behind her and do the same thing. I have these two runs running around the square now being chased by a number of pigeons and 1 stuck in each of there hoods. Some more Contiki people turn up and back away every time they see me. I walk up to some American girls with a smile .. they smile and laugh.. I throw corn there way and about 30 pigeons rush in.. hilarious!!! Sadistic but so funny I'm pissing myself. I'm chasing complete strangers around this square with my weapon of corn and 300 pigeons as cannon fodder!
I see Malks... Malks is filming me and taking shots.. then I walk towards him he steps back, he turns and runs.. I'm running after him with a shit load of pigeons running after me. People are parting like the Red Sea and Malks is saying 'Fuck off!!! NO!' Malks runs into the church saying.. 'I hate birds.. I hate birds!!!!' I back away from his phobia until people start gathering for the Gondola ride. By this time I have run out of corn and now got a bottle of vino for the ride. Walk up behind Malks and go 'YARRR' He jumps and runs through the Contiki crowd screaming... He laughed afterwards at me, but I will not say what he said to me before that...
Never got shat on though.. however little Jayne our only England represent from Exeter got this massive white mark on her back. Amusing as it looked like a fashion statement.
Gondola rides are an experience, especially sitting with people who are drunks. I'm doing this red wine (it's near turned to ice as its so damn cold) and taking some very nice pictures of these little offshoot canals. However our little punter didn't sing, so we decided to. He rocked the boat once and I nearly shat myself.
Finishing the ride there was some walking to be had. I split from the rest and decided to go alone and then bumped right back into them 30 minutes down the track. Had some coffee and then walked some more. Half of the tour went to a dinner the other half went and found there own meal (ie. me). Found this cheap Pizza place run by people from China who spoke Italian... highly wierd!
BEST GELATO COMES FROM VENICE!!! So cold.. but so delish!
Getting back on the ferry we are back on the top deck, the pilot has the radio on and I'm dancing to some techno with some of people... laughing at stories and joking around.
We had our hotel outside of Venice (a shame as I would think some of the nightlife would be amazing in the place, but knowing my luck I'd end up in the water and half drown myself). I decide to round up people for drinks.. only manage to get Kirt, Malks, Missy, Taimba, Ange (from Canada) and Canadian Jessica (who I think Kirt is starting to get the eye for). It's foggy outside... so foggy I can hardly tell where I am walking...
We manage to find a cafe which served beer and we sat there eating potato chips... best thing about Italy is you get crisps there and there are these little toys in them. I manage to come back with a bag full of toys by the end of Contiki. Hand puppets, playdo, Pouches and a little poodle (named Ralph and hanging above my computer at the moment)
Ralph rocks my world!
This cafe it quite dingy but being 10pm at night, we came to the conclusion that Italian's don't drink... we certainly did and went home very tipsy. Was a good little get together with everyone telling a little about themselves a bit more. Ange had been in the Canadian Navy for 3-4 years and had just come out and moving back home she hadn't seen for 2 years and this place that when it snows.. it actually snows you in and you have to dig yourself out when you open your front door.
I headed back to our room, to find that someone had broken on of the elevators. Kirt tells me that it was stuck and they (I cannot tell you their names as I have been sworn to secrecy) forced it open to get young Steph out.... it was forced alright.. the doors were hanging askew somewhat. I manage to hit the sack at about 12am.. highly tired and a rosy smile on my face from such a good day in Venice. I'm feeling better, still coughing up nice coloured phelgm and a few coughs, but I have noticed people getting ill all around me now.
Whoops :)
Off to Rome tomorrow... and I think I may even get to breakfast! Rome .. 2 days.. weather forecast looks ok too! We have been blessed already why not continue our fun!
Kirt is swearing too.. he is starting to cough too....
<--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Apologies for the late update on Contiki tour, but I have just started being a HR Consultant for the Borough of Ealing. Had a bit of a downer the last couple weeks where I kinda left my old job and moved on to this one. Been straighening a lot of my shit out in the meantime and going to some crazy parties with the boys.
Last weekend I decided to take it easy and hang out with Little Al and Andy in Ealing. Got mighty trashed with Little Al and I don't think we fell asleep until 6am Saturday. We rang up Rob back in Sydney and he didn't recognise me talking.. I suppose after a year and a half you see a weird number on your mobile and go WTF! Cheers mate!
Was suppose to head out with Simone (met her at Faithless) on Sunday however she cancelled last minute and I was none too phased as I was still very hung over... so I chilled with lil ol Lindsey and watched Collateral... good movie.. and some fine acting!
This week I find myself at work and not doing too much this coming weekend... BULLSHIT!
Friday -> Abacus (ala Trendy of the Trend clubs) to meet up with some of the Elite crew as Narelle is heading home... bless
Saturday -> Kirsty invited me to Wax (Trendy and damn expensive)... however I may miss it as there is a house party too.. also been invited to see a band (choice #1)...
Sunday-> The Church (no it's bar where Australians go and well it's just a weird place to be) has been put on the agenda from some lasses .. I won't be there.. but it's nice to be invited.
Next month for March I will be paying off Credit card bills and saving some of my well earned cash. Thinking about hitting up Prague for the weekend in the end of April... anyone want to come.
Mental notes and random reflections:
- Liv from Sydney arrives this week
- Little Al flies home in April and his Girl from Europe arrives in May
- Lucy just got back from Sydney
- Wilko is heading home for 3 months Mid-March
- Bradders has finally decided he is gay! j/k
- Sam is finding it hard to cope with all the women, especially when he has too many of them that he can't decide on which.. OH and he's growing a beard!!! (see photo gallery)
- Horses girlfriend finally arrived around Australia Day (see photo gallery)
- DeeDee is finding the single life in London great and I found his camera!
- Must catch up with Chloe, Lauren, Simone, Carly, Alex, Helen, Shez (that's a guy too), Alberta, Pacino and Leise
- Yes mum .. must ring Monica!
I shall leave y'all with this - it's old and I haven't written for months.. hope you are all well and I'm missing home terribly.
Drowning
Lungs filled with fire
Clawing at the sky remaining
Looking up through the murky darkness
Brilliant clear bubbles escaping
Weighed down by doubt
Hoping to taste that air
Sinking hopes, rising fear
Who's left to care?
The sunshine is fading black
Against my cloudy silhouette
Slipping down into coldness
Memories about to forget
Closed eyes collecting thoughts
Scorching pain is overtaking
Then sleep against thy willpower
No life left worth making
Resting on the gritty bed
Eyes wipe open wondering why
One thought remaining
Why didn't he try?
Saturday, February 12, 2005
While Kirt manages to have breakfast, I manage to crawl into a shower. We came here to Munich yesterday and I remember walking into our first room and Kirt is saying...
'This isn't quite right'
Taking a whiff of the air I remember smelling the fragrance of odor de toilette et urine. It stunk like someone had taken a piss on the curtains.. so Kirt rushes downstairs in such a drunken state he demands to the reception.
'Our room smells like PISS!'
Now being German and not knowing what 'piss' really is our Tour Manager Gerry says;
'I believe someone has urinated in their room and they would like a new room.'
So in the new room wanting to get some braincells reactivated before our long trip to Austria this morning, I remember other things last night. The strange dog I was playing with at the pub... The old man playing darts with one of the boys from contiki... Lorna and I... and ohhh shit... being stuck outside my room banging and kicking the door at 3 in the morning, and some German guy (built like a brick shithouse) coming out in his underwear and saying the equivalent in German - my rough translation in English (cockney).
'Oi you dozy git, I'm tryin` to catch some kip ere and your pounding that door like dough on a board.. so fucken stop it or I will my foot up ya arse! Go to reception and get the key!'
I manage to find a seat next to someone appreciative of the situation I have got myself into... still drunk and hung over.. not the best feeling in the world. So I start singing... what do I start singing... I start singing Sound of Music songs sitting behind Sascha and next to Kelly (who seems to be in worse state as me, and not to mention Jessica who's .. FUCK SHE'S WHITE!)
Doe a deer a female deer... Ray a drop of golden sun.. people are amusing.. I continue.. and make up the lines! Poo its brown and smells funny ...
Going through into the hinterland of Austria is lovely.. listening to me singing the Sound of Music is not. However Gerry throughs on the tunes and we all start singing Sound of Music. Kelly was about to fall asleep when we were going through the mountains and I decided that she couldn't sleep and must see it all... very appreciative of the matter as seeing some of the tallest fuck off cliffs as we whirl around in our bus is scary enough at window seat. Watching Jessica hurl her guts up beside you doesn't make any of the trip better (of course I laughed).
So we are heading to this famous Castle.. don't know it's name. But the sky is blue and fresh and we are in for some times ahead. Gerry is rambling on about the owner who built it was mad as a dutch pirate and its what Walt Disney took the image from the make the famous Disney castle. I think he shot himself, hung himself or drowned in the lake. He died strangely and I think he had some incest going on as well... I was drifting in and out of consciousness at this point.
Its cold outside.. COLD! snow, black ice and winds! So we get to this castle, as I get out of the bus and look at it and shrug... 'Yep a castle' I slip on my ass and take out a couple people with me... Imagine the bus just park in an icerink and I have no grip on my Merrells (mindless plug at a brand I love) it's called 'Luke's ass is going to be sore day!'
First priority as I round up some troops for lunch... Kirt, Malks, Gerry, Nic, Missy and myself we head towards a pizza place and have the most soggiest but loveliest pizza ever. Devoured that biatch like a man coming off a hunger strike!
This is the only place I got a postcard.. why? maybe because I couldn't care about looking at the damn thing. So Malks, Kirt and myself walk around and up to another castle which he this mad guy lived for sometime as well before he built Walt Disney's monument to Pinnochio. We get to the top.. huffing and coughing phlegm up everywhere like old people in a geriatric institute, and see lots of school kids. I hate school kids! Especially foreign ones! Because you don't know what they are saying when they are insulting you.. WHY YOU LITTLE...........
Anyways we are watching these boys about 12-13 skidding along the ice to each other.. This one kid does this run up and skids down 10 metres of ice, trips on his ass and bowls over about 10 of boys ontop of him, all three of us are pissing ourselves laughing at them as this kid is crying because he just got squashed. Man the crazy stuff you do when you were a kid (I lost all my nine lives on billy carts, freeway chicken and on a bike which had hard brakes).
So I see this lake and it's frozen! Malks disappears and Kirt, Jessica (Canadian Jessica who isn't ill), Ange and myself go down there. It's slippery! I start throwing chunks of ice onto the frozen lake and it's making this great shattering sound, like glass and it echoes around the valley. So the kids start doing the same thing and ice is going everywhere...
Time to get back onto the bus in 10 minutes.. so they walk back. I decide I need to stand on the frozen ice on the lake and skid around... Gerry is watching and I know he is shitting himself. So I start jumping up and down on it. I get back onto the bus eventually smiles at Gerry and return to my seat.
We are off to Innesbruck, Austria. The trip further through the alps was lush!
The Golden Roof
We arrive in Innesbruck and are shown where they make Swarorski (name wrong) crystal and we see the Golden Roof. That's about all that is exciting in Innesbruck. So Hilly, Taimba, Kirt and I wander around taking pictures of the scenic backdrops of the ski resorts on the mountain sides. Finally Hilly and I are left wandering trying to find me chap stick and him a decent coffee. Watermelon flavor chap stick... cafe latte for the man!
I'm getting drunk and the FFP (First Fatal Piss) catches me. I head to the toilets and nearly fall over this small electronic juke box type thing. When I come back out I realize it's a childrens interactive terminal with games and fun shit to do. So here I am perched on a chair about 1 foot high and playing with this thing. People are walking past me amused!
I get back inside to the bar and thar be people playing cards! It's this new game I learnt on tour.. 8's are mates. Great game .. wish I knew the rules. Shall try and find them for you. So here is everyone getting blind off this game and I go for a wander and find Malks. He says..
'Hungry?!'
'I could eat' I say slurring
'Come...'
So I follow him, giggling like a kid who knows he'ss going to get up to mischief. Malks as infiltrated the kitchen and into the walk in fridge and we are now eating the best cheese cake ever! Laughing with a mouth full of cheese cake I think I show my affection...
'Malks... you are the man'
The contiki people adjourn to their room at about 1am, highly intoxicated, me and Lorna have done an elevator ride which was fun and I head back downstairs to see if anyone has continued. Kirt looks at me from across the room and he has situated himself amongst the most Chav and loudest English tourists in the place. They have just finished up skiing for the week and heading home tomorrow. Kirt is going on about Australia is the best and English sucks ass. I'm coaxed in to sit with them. Kirt then says... lets have a drinking competition!
'Schnaps' The words he said rolled off his tongue so slowly that I felt I was going 'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' when he was saying it. Maybe Kirt is use to the refined taste of schnapps at home and its different sweet flavors and only being 20-25% proof. Welcome to Austria.. they make the shit here and its 56% proof!
'I'm off to buy..' Ok I think, a couple of shots will do... 'A bottle!'
I hear myself saying 'Nooooooooooooooooo!' again! Too late!
So here we are 2 Australians amongst about 10 English men and a few of their ladies. About the drop down the hatch shots of schnapps. 'Luke here is the best skulling person I know... he will drink you all under the table.. and well I'll help him let you do it' What the fuck.. when have I been roped into this!
Down the hatch.. EWWWWW
Down the hatch.. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Down the hatch.. Wow this really makes you invincible
'Right you lousy english barstards.' This is me now... and I can't believe I'm saying it after 3 shots, as I look at Kirt who is starting to rock back and forth. 'You want some drinking.. lets do some drinking.'
I'm pouring more shots, the English guys spread and they either take their shot glass or leave it... 'Kirt you wanted a fucking drinking competition and you brought me this.. these guys don't know shit about drinking.'
Down the hatch.. MMM MMM MMMMMMMM Mothers milk!
Down the hatch (drinking one of the English guys shots now)... Ok I feel a little ill!
'Right if you barstards can't drink I'm going to bed.' Picking up the bottle and walking off and saying good bye to them.
I've fallen unconscious on half my bed with my shirt half off and a bottle luckily still standing next to me. It's morning again and Kirt isn't in his boxers.. he isn't even in the room. He must be at breakfast! I STINK! I just remember promising to sit next to Lorna today as we will have some great views of the Alps at the front of the bus.
CONTIKI IS EVIL!
Monday, February 07, 2005
Managed to make it to another breakfast and decided to have a bowl of cereal, although when I tasted it I nearly hurled as this was FULL FULL cream milk you were using in your cereal. Abstaining and going back to the stale bread with ham and cheese is always a good resort.
So today we were on the road to Munich, we were to hang in St Goar this morning and see where and how they made Stein's (alas, I didn't make it and wasn't really bothered). I met up with Hilly who was in the same wavelength and we decided to just wander around the small town. When the rest of the bus finally got to the tourist shop and bough stein's we both decided to go in and look at them. Overwhelmed with cuckoo clocks and stein's I noticed people on a frenzy to buy buy buy! Kirt managed to get himself a limited stein with a piece of the Berlin wall on it..
It was a brisk morning and we all stood around the bus looking at the Rhine roll on by, having a friendly laugh and getting to know each other a little better, taking happy snaps and then doing something silly.
It was quite a long bus ride to Munich of what I can remember and we noticed one guy, Ken, who was a lawyer back home in Sydney and decided it was time to take a holiday after 6 years of nonstop work, found out later he was also going through a divorce. Ken like taking movies and everytime we saw him he was making a movie, I really don't know how much memory he had but it was ALOT! We nicknamed him Kodak Kenny after a hour long history talk from Gerry about Germany, Berlin Wall, Cold Wall and the New Germany, highly impressive talk and had me rivetted even though I knew a lot of it personally I still came out with knowing a little bit more. Kenny filmed the entire talk, and every other talk Gerry made.
Munich Square
Arriving in Munch was around 3pm and I knew that there was the beer hall that night (where people would get pissed) and there wasn't much interest in being in Munich doing the whole tourist thing, I than looked at the map and saw Dacou. Knowing Dacou in World War 2 was a concentration camp for Jews & Catholics and took it upon myself to venture out that way. Hilly was very interested and Lorna and Brooke decided to tag along for it as well. We got directions off Malks who had been in Munich a week earlier and said that it was a dreary place that brought him to tears. So we left on that whim, onto the train to Dacou - all four of us having a good laugh at things preceding and what lays ahead.
Entrance into Dacou
Arrving in Dacou 45 minutes later we jumped into a taxi and went straight out to the camp. It was about 4:30pm by then and I knew the place closed at 5pm. Walking into the camp you have this cold chill that does go up your spine and I think the four of us stopping laughing and smiling and just was at awe at the barbed wire and trenches still in place.
Parade Ground
Lorna and I split up from Hilly and Brooke and walked down amongst the pine trees to the end of the housing, 90% all knocked down after the wall and gravel pits left in its presence.
By then I had seen the road to the crematorium, it was closed when we got there and I could only see down the muddy path to it... it looked scary enough.
Would you believe there is a No-Smoking sign on the gate
With one of the hobbits! (Sascha)
Brooke's damage
Nick and Gerry doing the Chicken dance
Onto my fifth, the chicken dance was funny and my legs were about jelly. I look over and it's about time to leave and David (South African who is trying to improve his english on the trip) goes Prolstch! downs some of the ale and then manages to puke up next to him. TAXI! You have never seen people leave so fast to get to a bus... I'm here trying to make sense and calm down the waitress and manager who was demanding money - I hand her 5 euro's and then they are still complaining so I say 'David you drunken bastard, they want money from you.' I think he was so embarrased by now that he handed over 10 euros and we scampered off, I was half way down my fifth when I could finish it and left it on a the seat on the exit door and got lost trying to find the bus with some others! We saw it driving off and manage to flag it down with a hail of 'No STOP STOP FUCK NO!!'Ahhh everyone intoxicated on the bus and 'It's getting hot in here' is on the music box, so people decide its time to take over clothing listening to the song.... yes I was one as well!
So you think that this would be enough for anyone... who comes up with the idea by saying - 'Gerry is there another pub open?' when we get back to the hotel. Gerry points us down the road and we are at pub with some 40+ germans. I'm standing at the bar with a spanish guy rubbing my arm up and down and it only took me 10 minutes to figure out he was gay and I was saying 'Cei Cei!' probably saying to him 'Yes I like men and love stroking hairy chests' Alas we continued to get more drunk and I was dancing with some other contiki people in the back room to some out of date juke box with really bad music. Lorna managed to dress herself in the latest fashion and was wearing the hat of shame (I think Hilly had it for the day).
Missy (Katelyn), Brooke, Lorna & Jane shaking their booty in Munich!
We arrive back at our hotel rooms to have me attached myself to Lorna and Brooke and find myself back in their rooms drunk and laughing.
I did manage to wake up in my own bed the next morning with an absolute headache and the need to drink half the Warragamba dam! Eyes were red, mouth was dry, cough and phelgm were constant and my head had someone playing the pipe organ in it with 'Oh Come all ye faithful'
A morning in Munich again and then we are off to Austria! I have the upmost faith I will be even more pissed tonight as well!