Metamorphose

METAMORPHOSE

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame the earth seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy the air, look you, this mighty o'rehanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire; why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, how like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dusk. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither.

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A kiss is just a kiss
I've just grown accustomed to the ritual blessing of the European Hello to the femme whilst in London. The kiss on the cheek with a smile, not too wet and should really never be placed but exerted, a few times I have found my head slamming against the side of another girl (not my fault as they should never move). However, I am now noticing the slight turn of their head acknowledging they would like a secondary, usually also a sign that this lass is well out of your price range and will empty a wallet or two by the night is out.

I don't mind giving the ladies a kiss on the rosy red's, they usually talk to you after that, and we all know a lonely man in the bar with a scotch in one hand and looking lost is going to go home earlier than most. My experience in the Euro Kiss is getting to the point where I'm giving some good friends of mine a rub on the back as we go for the kiss on the cheek. Hell you say, a rub on the back you ponder, hey nobody told me the rules so I'm just making them up as I snog along. Do let me remind you all once again of my introduction to courting in London, was being inside a club and having my jewels squeezed by a number of women most of the night. I'd try to slip past them for another Scotch and Dry and no sooner as you could say 'How's the party' your tin soldier and drums are being manipulated into two wheels and an axle. So who knows give it another couple years and people be sniffing each others armpits or dry humping each others thigh. Buyers beware, the stupid people are out there wanting to create this bizarre Utopia.

I've digressed and nearly forgotten my whole subject.

No sooner had I got to grips with the kiss on the cheek, it's already moved up a boundary. I'm now getting kisses on the lips from girls. It isn't one of those French tonsil kisses like some of you guys might be thinking. But it's a quick peck on the lips, an evil sly grin from the banshee, and the more importantly the girls are initiating it. What is this some type of revolution, some hormonal imbalance currently going on with today's women, mistaking me for their boyfriend, who may I add is happily smiling oblivious (or maybe not, as it is quite possibly the hip thing to do at the moment) behind her waiting to shake your ... well no... hug you.

It usually only happens to me though with women I've known for a number of greetings. Maybe it's like a quota system. If I kiss them on the cheek for 10 visits I thus upgraded to two cheeks and a random peck on the lips.
"Excuse me do you have your rewards card, sir?"
I am a little afraid for the fact what happens when I run my quota up on that one. Will I need to carry my toothbrush with me?

"Hi Luke..."
"Hang on..." Toss in a TicTac, roll it around my tongue... have a squirl of mouthwash. "Okay, now you can say hello."

Where will this bizarre free love underground movement go. Will western men revolt and start kissing other men, they've been doing it for years in a number of places in the world. Will women catch onto the fact that my rub on there back will soon reach a slap on the ass? Do I really need to double kiss? Will there be inflated prices on fresh mints?

I'm all for the Venus taking the next step in the initiating ceremony of meeting Mars, but you're going to confuse a lot of those Martians if you start giving them a kiss on the lips and they eventually squeeze your Aphrodite!

LS at 11/29/2006 10:26:00 PM

Monday, November 27, 2006

Rorts, Jenga and being a hero!
Sitting in the pub on Friday night - yes I know not much of a surprise. This is after of course I went to another pub with my work colleagues for a cheeky pint. I realise also that I need to go to a bar in Soho / Covent Garden area which is famous for it's Latin music. I look at my phone wanting to see the time and suddenly out of nowhere there is a child of about 8-9 standing right next to me.

It's a little chubby girl with a scarf wrapped high around her neck and her mouth struggling not to suffocate within it's woolen pink interior. I take a double take and wonder why the kid is here in a pub and secondly what the hell does she want from me.

'Scuz me, can you sponsor me.'

Now I'm about to dig for change asking her - 'Oh okay, what's it for.'

'Charity mista!'

'What Charity....' I scan the piece of paper she has outstretched to me and see name's of people and the amount of their donations. But the paper is bad quality photocopy and I cant even make out what charity, actually most of the writing is blurred. My hands stops.

'I don't think so... maybe you should photocopy a new piece of paper though.'

The girl doesn't flinch and walks onto the next table who cough up a few quid.

There are so many scams going on in London these days, you need to keep on your toes and read between the lines, so to speak. Seriously what parents says to a child to go down to the pub and get signatures at 9:30pm and ask for money. Probably the type of parent who says to the kid after saying that - 'When you get the money, buy me a carton of fags and get the milk!'

I hadn't caught up with Som for a few weeks. Supposedly I was to go to this farewell in Covent Garden, but I didn't get there. We sat around the pub drinking Guiness and Lager while playing board games. Chess, Checkers, Connect 4, Snakes and Ladders, but by far the one that we had the most fun with was Jenga! Building that stack of wood and then making an obscenely twisted tower of wood rafters while not knocking it across the table made my night. Som loves to make things top heavy I found out.
We retired onto a game of dink at the end of the night and my bottle top flew over his head and landed in a gentlemens beer on the table behind him. The poor guy was a little shocked as I went up to the bar and bought a new beer for him.... he then joined us for a game.

My weekend was very much a state of chores, washing and cleaning of which I didn't mind and of course having residents of Number 4 dragging me to their flat for a night of Guitar Hero and Vodka. Guitar Hero is toooooo much fun... I can see even my oldies getting into the game. Strumming notes on a plastic guitar while rocking out to Black Sabbath like an Ozzy groupie was too good not to miss when I was invited.

Apparently I'm the single man on the block and a few of the neighbours want to get me drunk.... There was one night at Lou's farewell (hope you are having fun back in Canberra mate) I found myself in an awkward place. I was ascotted back to one of the flat's to 'get some more mixer' and once arrived I was sat down on the sofa and set upon by lashings of tongue which I was forced to reject with quite a bit of upper body strength. The green light appeared when she said 'You want to play rough eh.... well I'll be right back to wrestle.' I nicked out the back door, jumped over the brick seperations of our back decks to return to the party. I've learnt to leave a number of the flats a little earlier due to infamous ascotting's happening.

Sam dropped around on Saturday to watch Russell Peters and catch up, which is always a pleasure entertain. When you ask Sam to 'Make yourself at home' he certainly does, to the point of leaving the toilet door open while he's pissing. Maria and Sam were introduced on a very long P Flat.

This morning I arrived into work with a sore throat, migraine and tooth ache.. but I realised I haven't updated with a day in the life for a while so here it is!! :)

Mental notes for all - if you can't think of a good Christmas present for someone;

Stand up comedian Russell Peters on DVD - Outsourced
Great documentary about wheelchair rugby - Murderball
The new Scissor Sisters album, followed up with the new Killers album
1 Game of Jenga + 1 Bottle of Whiskey = Suicide Jenga!
Guitar Hero for the PS2

Hope y'all well!

xo

LS at 11/27/2006 10:33:00 PM

Saturday, November 11, 2006

A visual image
Slicing chilli's for dinner...

Uncomfortable itch on the jewels..

Burning sensation ensues..

Pint of water..

Dunk them within..

Girl walks in room..

The conversation with my colleagues at work after explaining said situation was that one colleague would disown their boyfriend if she saw this scenario in said position and timing of discovery.

My response was -

"Well it would be nothing different, if I walked into the room and saw tit's in a bucket.."

Laughter breaks the monotony at work...


TGIF!

LS at 11/11/2006 02:39:00 AM

Diary of the Gods - Jetblack