7pm staying back to draw up a few adverts for accountants and I need to 'sex' it up a little as my illustrious HR director put it to me today, 'Oh and I want them by today'... this was at 3pm and the look in my eyes I think made her change her mind.. 'Friday I mean.'

So I'm sitting at the desk with my whole big 'OUTSIDE THE BOX' hat on and come to the realisation about 30 minutes ago when I said to a very empty rabbit warren office,

How the fuck am I going to sex up an accountant role.. it's the most boring job in the world!

The cleaner comes over and says ... 'Keh?' I think she thinks I'm mad, she's about 20 and quite alright and I was here last Friday until 8pm talking to myself, and she has been wiping down desks and for the last few months and all we have done is just smiled pleasantly, I just thought she was shy, I found out she can hardly speak English.

So I say when she comes over last week to wipe down our tables;
'Why you all dressed up?' Now she dresses surprising good for a cleaner, like ready to hit the town after work... so I make a quick question to get the quick response.
The eyes tell me straight away she didn't understand a word I said... 'You are all dressed out ready to go out after work.'
'No I finish at 9.' She says. I scratch my head.
'Oohh kay.' Knowing this discussion isn't going to get too far, I go back to my desk. But little to my surprise she wants to continue this weird conversation.
'You live .. near by?'
'Ohh yeh just up the road.' My male ego in the pants caused sensations of quick hot sex with the cleaner for some reason because she asked me where I lived. Down boy DOWN!
'Do you live close by too?' I ask, trying to keep the sexual inuendo out of the tone of voice.
'No.' she says. I hate those pauses you get in conversation when people can't relate to another question.
'Ohh kay - what are you doing this weekend?' I ask, vague question easy to answer and easy to lie to.
'Nothing much.. watch video maybe listen music.'
'Okay, not going for a drink?' This is where I make my mistake as from the expression on her face.
'Maybe.. another time.'
'No No... ' I laugh jumbling words into my laughter and I think she takes offense to it also, and I say... 'Ok I'm going home, have a good weekend.'
'Yeh ok you too.'
Shaking my head on the way down in the elevator and reminds me of the people you do meet here in England. Speaking with her again tonight, I find out her name is Hanata she's 24 and she is from Brazil (soon as she said it, my mind flips out to a Brazilian wax and I'm nearly done for again) and she used to be a PA for a large firm back home in Brazil (wax?), however she is up at 4:30am each morning doing another job and comes to clean at the Town Hall from 5pm until 9pm and gets home at 10pm. I don't mind so much in working back now, and am grateful for the work I accomplish in doing so, that and I have a date with the cleaner for English lessons in a couple weeks time. I found out she wanted to know the meaning 'Why are you all dressed up?' because she had never heard it before, so I wrote it down on some paper.

Senior Accountant
Financial services
Up to £34,900
Ref: CD040W

Hey do you where a pocket protector and know all classes of Casio calculators and have a full run down on pencils quality with working knowledge of every database system known to mankind oh... and have the mental capacity of Einstein but the social capacity of a gnat!

Come talk to us at Ealing we'll set you amongst the rest of the pigeons!

Closing date: 15th July 2005.

Mission complete - power shutdown on PC and home I go!