Let me paint you a picture of my admin life today while I'm back in Sydney

Sitting across from a blonde european lass by the name of Fra with the eastern bloc accent to boot, you are compelled to think at this moment I would be talking about someone who is gorgeous. Well you're sadly mistaken, she is a stereo-typical eastern bloc woman who you'd see pummel the shit out of your back if you walked into a bad massage parlour. Well I sit at a computer which unfortunately points her way and I am subject to the enormous amount of daily consumption of 'food' which a rhino would be hard to take on. Now sure she's not overally huge, but she is quite the tank, with a mouth that could swallow your knob and balls and have room for a little bit more. Now I don't mind her ugliness, I'm not married to the frankenstein, I don't mind her accent, even though it scares me, I do fucking mind her eating and laughing at the same time. I do not think she has mastered the entire concept of putting food into her mouth and her gaffawing is driving me a little bit spare, when I have to take cover behind my small partition to keep clear of the hail of crumbs that is spat every which way.

So let me introduce you to Shannon. Bless him, he's 19 and I'm guessing his stories of him having slept with women are a little fictionous (however he did go a little far when he mention that his sister see's him naked, which kind of scared me a little). He loves his gameage, constantly telling me how many hours he had played WoW last night, what level he is and his fully sick mount, you'd love him Sam. Now Shannon has a lot to learn in life and constantly refers to girls as "bitches", getting smashed is the best thing and having a history in Mudgee, where he dated some chick for a couple months and travelled the 4-6 hours by public transport to see her. He makes me laugh though, like the hand on your forehead and shake your head laugh where you say to yourself 'Did he really just say that out loud.' He's that guy at work that follows you around like a lost puppy, I swear one time when he followed me into the toilets he nearly took a right into the same cubicle as me only to realise what he was doing and I hear the sound of him washing his hands. Now I have never been the 'cool guy', but I've never been the one to sheep a cool guy, and this guy is starting to freak me out. However I do sometimes start wishing I was 19 all over again, and he is a true soul and has his heart in the right place, unfortunately I've been tainted by the evils of the world and throw my pessimistic blanket over him, so I wish I was something like him from time to time too with his jovial outlook on life and everyone.

Working in a pre-dominantly middle age women setting most of my admin life you get used to the old bitties flock to you and giggle like they were 20 again when you say something charming, and let me tell you I have my degree is being charming to the old bats who have spent most of their life behind their George Clooney calenders. However there is this one at work that frightens me. She rubs my back like her favourite poker machine at the club and she touches me a little to often then needed, although she hasn't touched me in those places she did nearly come close at the printers one time. I barely leave my chair now knowing my ass may get slapped because all I said to her indirectly was 'Oh what lovely young ladies I have to work alongside.', I was actually mentioning this girl that passes my desk and my mouth is left a little wider.

I was fortunate to talk to 'Kat with a K' (the only good looking one in the office) last Friday, unfortunately my chances disintergrated when Shannon appeared talking about his WoW and mount and some 'bitch' from Mudgee working at the bar who he's forgotten her name and could I find out for him. Now Kat with a K is losing interest I decide to say my goodbyes and on the way out catch up with this Mudgee girl.
'Hiya, what's your name?'
'Nicole... why?'
'Oh I heard Shannon was going to take you out after work...'
'Ohh yeh, but I dunno yet.'
'Why's that?'
'Ohhh I might be going pig hunting...'
"......."
now the pause was longer than usual.. and I don't think I even said good bye to Nicole...

But I sit at work today looking at a "theme day", each team has to come up with a theme and my cotton shirt is slowly getting sweaty and stuck to the plastic rain coat which is hanging off my chair, because someone came up the idea of Weather! for our crew. I'm sitting underneath clouds and rainsdrops stuck from the ceiling. But hey I'm no grump, I stringed most of the raindrops together and gave my artiste impression, even though in the back of my mind I was fearing this day.

I hesitantly stare at Fra laughing out her mouth a cream pastry and sipping Fanta through a straw while she has a feather boa wrapped around her jugulars and a tiara placed on her head because their team are Princesses, it's an awful sight.

Shannon's actions behind the partition is similar to that of he has bought his penis enlarger to work and is trying to increase his size, however I see this long thin balloon come up and over onto my desk...he's making a rainbow with balloons which he is too overly excited about - and I ask him if he bought his unicorns in too, however I don't think he gets the joke.

Kat with K has called in sick leaving me no muse and off in the distance I can see that old bitty coming closer and closer to my desk, I cringe.

Welcome to Monday Hell... lucky I am wearing my ruby slippers today and each time I click them I say;

"I only am doing this to get back to London."