Going through into the hinterland of Austria is lovely.. listening to me singing the Sound of Music is not. However Gerry throughs on the tunes and we all start singing Sound of Music. Kelly was about to fall asleep when we were going through the mountains and I decided that she couldn't sleep and must see it all... very appreciative of the matter as seeing some of the tallest fuck off cliffs as we whirl around in our bus is scary enough at window seat. Watching Jessica hurl her guts up beside you doesn't make any of the trip better (of course I laughed).

So we are heading to this famous Castle.. don't know it's name. But the sky is blue and fresh and we are in for some times ahead. Gerry is rambling on about the owner who built it was mad as a dutch pirate and its what Walt Disney took the image from the make the famous Disney castle. I think he shot himself, hung himself or drowned in the lake. He died strangely and I think he had some incest going on as well... I was drifting in and out of consciousness at this point.

Its cold outside.. COLD! snow, black ice and winds! So we get to this castle, as I get out of the bus and look at it and shrug... 'Yep a castle' I slip on my ass and take out a couple people with me... Imagine the bus just park in an icerink and I have no grip on my Merrells (mindless plug at a brand I love) it's called 'Luke's ass is going to be sore day!'

First priority as I round up some troops for lunch... Kirt, Malks, Gerry, Nic, Missy and myself we head towards a pizza place and have the most soggiest but loveliest pizza ever. Devoured that biatch like a man coming off a hunger strike!

This is the only place I got a postcard.. why? maybe because I couldn't care about looking at the damn thing. So Malks, Kirt and myself walk around and up to another castle which he this mad guy lived for sometime as well before he built Walt Disney's monument to Pinnochio. We get to the top.. huffing and coughing phlegm up everywhere like old people in a geriatric institute, and see lots of school kids. I hate school kids! Especially foreign ones! Because you don't know what they are saying when they are insulting you.. WHY YOU LITTLE...........

Anyways we are watching these boys about 12-13 skidding along the ice to each other.. This one kid does this run up and skids down 10 metres of ice, trips on his ass and bowls over about 10 of boys ontop of him, all three of us are pissing ourselves laughing at them as this kid is crying because he just got squashed. Man the crazy stuff you do when you were a kid (I lost all my nine lives on billy carts, freeway chicken and on a bike which had hard brakes).

So I see this lake and it's frozen! Malks disappears and Kirt, Jessica (Canadian Jessica who isn't ill), Ange and myself go down there. It's slippery! I start throwing chunks of ice onto the frozen lake and it's making this great shattering sound, like glass and it echoes around the valley. So the kids start doing the same thing and ice is going everywhere...

Time to get back onto the bus in 10 minutes.. so they walk back. I decide I need to stand on the frozen ice on the lake and skid around... Gerry is watching and I know he is shitting himself. So I start jumping up and down on it. I get back onto the bus eventually smiles at Gerry and return to my seat.

We are off to Innesbruck, Austria. The trip further through the alps was lush!

The Golden Roof

We arrive in Innesbruck and are shown where they make Swarorski (name wrong) crystal and we see the Golden Roof. That's about all that is exciting in Innesbruck. So Hilly, Taimba, Kirt and I wander around taking pictures of the scenic backdrops of the ski resorts on the mountain sides. Finally Hilly and I are left wandering trying to find me chap stick and him a decent coffee. Watermelon flavor chap stick... cafe latte for the man!

Not much to do that night but drink... oh and we drank! We arrive back at the hotel and find ourselves with a very decent bar! Kirt and I triple S and are down amongst the action before anything with pint in hand. We grab dinner and Lorna asks me about my life.. I'm sitting here telling some people about some of the shit that has happened throughout my life and I think I shocked a few people... alas we finish dinner with a quick joke and head to the bar.

I'm getting drunk and the FFP (First Fatal Piss) catches me. I head to the toilets and nearly fall over this small electronic juke box type thing. When I come back out I realize it's a childrens interactive terminal with games and fun shit to do. So here I am perched on a chair about 1 foot high and playing with this thing. People are walking past me amused!

I get back inside to the bar and thar be people playing cards! It's this new game I learnt on tour.. 8's are mates. Great game .. wish I knew the rules. Shall try and find them for you. So here is everyone getting blind off this game and I go for a wander and find Malks. He says..
'Hungry?!'
'I could eat' I say slurring
'Come...'
So I follow him, giggling like a kid who knows he'ss going to get up to mischief. Malks as infiltrated the kitchen and into the walk in fridge and we are now eating the best cheese cake ever! Laughing with a mouth full of cheese cake I think I show my affection...
'Malks... you are the man'
The contiki people adjourn to their room at about 1am, highly intoxicated, me and Lorna have done an elevator ride which was fun and I head back downstairs to see if anyone has continued. Kirt looks at me from across the room and he has situated himself amongst the most Chav and loudest English tourists in the place. They have just finished up skiing for the week and heading home tomorrow. Kirt is going on about Australia is the best and English sucks ass. I'm coaxed in to sit with them. Kirt then says... lets have a drinking competition!
'Schnaps' The words he said rolled off his tongue so slowly that I felt I was going 'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' when he was saying it. Maybe Kirt is use to the refined taste of schnapps at home and its different sweet flavors and only being 20-25% proof. Welcome to Austria.. they make the shit here and its 56% proof!
'I'm off to buy..' Ok I think, a couple of shots will do... 'A bottle!'
I hear myself saying 'Nooooooooooooooooo!' again! Too late!

So here we are 2 Australians amongst about 10 English men and a few of their ladies. About the drop down the hatch shots of schnapps. 'Luke here is the best skulling person I know... he will drink you all under the table.. and well I'll help him let you do it' What the fuck.. when have I been roped into this!

Down the hatch.. EWWWWW
Down the hatch.. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Down the hatch.. Wow this really makes you invincible

'Right you lousy english barstards.' This is me now... and I can't believe I'm saying it after 3 shots, as I look at Kirt who is starting to rock back and forth. 'You want some drinking.. lets do some drinking.'

I'm pouring more shots, the English guys spread and they either take their shot glass or leave it... 'Kirt you wanted a fucking drinking competition and you brought me this.. these guys don't know shit about drinking.'

Down the hatch.. MMM MMM MMMMMMMM Mothers milk!
Down the hatch (drinking one of the English guys shots now)... Ok I feel a little ill!

'Right if you barstards can't drink I'm going to bed.' Picking up the bottle and walking off and saying good bye to them.

I've fallen unconscious on half my bed with my shirt half off and a bottle luckily still standing next to me. It's morning again and Kirt isn't in his boxers.. he isn't even in the room. He must be at breakfast! I STINK! I just remember promising to sit next to Lorna today as we will have some great views of the Alps at the front of the bus.

CONTIKI IS EVIL!