1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
2. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get fromShepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before along weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
6. You believe that being able to swear at people intheir own language makes you multilingual.
7. You've considered stabbing someone.
8. Your door has more than three locks.
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio thesize of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shoppingmalls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
15. You pay more each month to park your car thanmost people in the UK pay in rent.
16. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
17. You actually take fashion seriously.
18. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.
19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.
22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/waterquality and what it's doing to your insides.
26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
27. Your cleaner is Portugese, your grocer isSomali, your butcheris halal,your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, yourlaundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favouritediner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner isSenegalese, yourlast cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local Englishchippie owner is Turkish.
28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.
29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown himself under a tube train.
30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the wayto work.
31.You walk into somebody's path rather than continue walking straight
32.You're still brushing twice daily but you've had your first case of Gingivitis
33.You now think "actually, this steak isn't too bad"
34.You buy bottled water
35.You haven't had a quality dump on the sh*tter for bloody ages
36.You throw 1 and 2 pence coins on the ground
37.You drink Massimo latte's as a matter of course
38.You find the English accent to be a pleasant break from the ordinary...
39.You no longer pick black sh*t out of your nose because your bodies just as polluted on the inside...
40.You sigh with everyone else as you queue to get into the queue which leads to the queue to the toilets